'Tis I, Crown Prince of Profound Disappointmentland.

Mere moments after I discovered that anyone, anywhere, could find my little piece of cyberspace with a mere Google crawl, I did what anyone else who'd written the things I did would do: I shat myself.

I didn't think I had ever said anything incriminating - well, at least anything that would be admissable in a court of law - so instead of choosing the privacy option on Blogger to make my blog non-searchable, I became actively interested in how it was that people were arriving at this little slice of "wtf." In doing so I inserted that little counter thingie at the bottom of the screen, which not only gives me an idea of how many people come (pitifully few) but also where they are logging in from (mostly the corn). Most interesting, though, is that it provides me with an opportunity to see if someone has arrived at my site by way of a search, or "referral." THIS is where the gold is, my friends. Whist scrolling through, I began to laugh out loud - laughter which was soon followed by sepulchral silence. People were finding my blog because it, at the very least, contained some semblance of the bizarre, horrifying things people troll the 'net for. While they, in most cases, left profoundly disappointed, I must concede that it is I who am a monster. I mean, c'mon - take a look at these - and may I be eviscerated by Charro's needly lizard teeth in the dark of some dread night if I am lying about a single one.

shet bag
This one is easy enough to explain, and I can do so with one word: Shoes.

MUKDUK
Mukduk is, for ye who didn't endure 10,000 anthro lectures, whale or pinniped blubber and skins that is consumed by the Inuit peoples of the Canadian northlands. I have heard that Westerners who try it immediately evacuate their stomach contents and bowels simultaneously at the wretched smell, taste and sensations that accompany the gnawing of frequently raw whale skin and fat. Mentioned in several of my "Domonic is getting to be quite porcine" blogs.

Ike and Tina Turner whiteface watermelon photo
This one makes me a little uncomfortable for two reasons: one, the association of Ike and Tina with watermelon and two, this isn't just any watermelon: it's whiteface watermelon. And someone wants to see this. They found my blog instead, mercifully - but I can honestly say I have no idea why.

"catholic school" nun "i study" mass
Huh.

origin of NapTown
Let me tell you: Someone - and I have to presume that this was one of the do-rag wearin' white-as-hominy fellas who loiter about the Greenwood Park Mall - probably thought that calling Indiana's capital city "Naptown" was "chill." Or "hep." Or whatever people with misguided social patternization say in this situation.

"why are ships female?"
Because they, as ballast, take on a shit-ton of water-weight.

[feminists sharpen machetes while listening to Ani DiFranco]

"suffocation takes coordination"
Indeed.

indianapolis ghetto apt
You mean, like the one complex we go to only in broad daylight to heave our putrid trash into their Dumpsters because trash pickup in Greenwood costs more than cable TV per month?
incirlik tattoo
I have a tattoo. Two of them, matter of fact. And I am probably one of maybe three hundred Americans who know where İncirlik is. [did the funny "i" just then give you any clue?]

locust keeper
That would be me.

Greek sodomized small boys
Goddamn. OK, great, so pedophiles are finding my site. Well, I will tell all of you right now: you shan't find this happy horseshit around here.

Houston apartment complex guadalupe apparition
There is nothing in the world I love more than a good Virgin Mary apparition story. After attempting to find the origins of this search, I was unable to locate anything. Perhaps yet another miracle - maybe involving an Eggo waffle or a water stain - is in the works?

noodle town Bloomington
Where there's crack in the sauce, sreepies in rice and the heady stench of base divinity all around - ah, Bloomington's finest dining establishment.

levrek
Some Turk is looking for bass (the fish). Keep looking, my Anatolian buddy.

amount of education needed to become a cryptozoologist
You will still die hungry. Father Bielen says so.

" I hate Indianapolis"
Well, that's not as true as it used to be. I have come to appreciate how close the airport is and how quickly fine dining and entertainment and shopping can be had. Still, whenever I go I pack heat.

dr chi hackettstown nj
Is he still alive? He was in his fifties when I was nine. Please give a shout out if someone finds him alive.

Urban heat island, Singapore saw the hottest day
Um, what?

gorrilla legs
Just like I like 'em: covered in dense, black and nit-ridden hair.

g1 license practice teat
Someone mistyped "test" as "teat" and, through divine intervention, found my blog.

hand gestures boy scout shocker
A Boy Scout displaying the shocker? Never! Two in the pink, one in the stink? Oh, the humanity!

IK ONKAR TATTOOS
A Sikh is getting ready for some body modification.

underarm hair french german women armpit
I get that one a lot. What can I say?

***

I will be taking a blog hiatus from today, the 31st of October until such a time as when I have finished my goddamn thesis.

In the interest of time: PLEASE STOP ASKING ME ABOUT MY THESIS. IT IS NOT DONE. IT PROBABLY NEVER WILL BE DONE. STOP ASKING OR I WILL HAVE TO DRILL A HOLE IN YOUR THROAT.
Not that I am bitter. Or weary. Or poised on the brink of academic failure.

I shall return to thee in two month's time, if not sooner.

I remain, until then,

Domonic (don'tcryforme-sendmemoneyinstead) Potorti