The "Show-Me" State.

Ten and a half hours. Four corn-encrusted states. My spine has telescoped; my kidneys are now cold stones in my abdomen; I may never move my bowels again.

Yes, folks, I am in Kansas, a state that I have always secretly wanted to visit but have never had....well...uh, any need to be visiting. Though, to be sure, if I packed a bag and left one day for Kansas, I doubt any of my close friends or family would think too much of it: this is because I am effed-up.

So, Missouri. I spent the majority of my yesterday driving through it; I have to give Missouri her props on this one. The drivers in Saint Louis (well, the freakish beltline around Saint Louis) are all, every single one of them, heroin addicts. Do they hand it out on the street? Is there a comprehensive school lunch-type program? You know, burger, fries, needle? Missouri also takes the prize for the State Where Every Single Person Has At Least Four Slap-Ribbons on Their Car. One man had, and I am not even close to kidding, twelve. TWELVE! *Dom fixes himself a Jim and Coke.*

Also in Missouri, fun Jesus-y signs. For example:

Where do YOU want to spend Eternity? Lord Jesus is the ONLY ANSWER!

The Virgin of Guadalupe: Empress of the Americas.


The End of Times is Coming! Do You Want Smoking or Non-Smoking Eternity?

The best one, though:

The Baby Jesus Weeps if You Don't Buckle Up.

Kansas. It's 11 AM and last night, it snowed here. My dad's house is on this really nice little lake and I can hear ducks fighting for birdseed outside. I woke up this morning to Christmas carols. Last night I went to bed having seen Master and Commander and having drunken two Guinnesses. Thanksgiving: it's gonna be good times. It makes the fact that I can't feel my body below my waist worth it.

Have a great one, Wichita.

OOOH! There is an Oz Museum out here! Muahahahahah!

Dom