Yeah. Well, if by “a deep ocean” you mean “nearly evaporated mist on the brow of a Thai whore in July” and by “secrets” I mean “porn recollection”, then, yeah.
An article on CNN.com this morning made my husk tap a staccato-beat in the hollow chamber that is my chest. Apparently, a woman attacked one of her closest friends – the attacked party, why not, being eight + months pregnant – AND ATTEMPTED TO SLASH THE BABY OUT OF THE WOMAN’S WOMB SO SHE COULD CLAIM IT AS HER OWN.
This brings to mind a few key questions about, well, things.
1) Who, among all of this woman’s friends and family, would be retarded enough to believe that she had… well, done what? Effing FOUND a baby? “Why yes, I found this squalling mass of humanity – covered in human effluent and still possessed of an umbilical cord – behind my sofa while I was vacuuming! It was the damnedest thing! I was like, uh, stale Cheeto, toenail clipping, Coors Lite can, gore-covered infant! Praise be! It’s the answer to all of my prayers!” Worse still, did she think that she’d be able to use the “I didn’t show much and one day a baby fell out of my uterus” excuse? Because shit, bitch – that’s tired.
2) Do *I* have a friend who, as we speak, is thinking about removing, say, my gonads, because he is bereft of said organs? Will he use anesthetic? ‘Cause he can have them. *Note to readers: Yes, you can have them. Don’t kill me for them.*
3) What does one use to defend oneself from a friend who tries to bludgeon you to death to steal the unborn child lying within you? Is it “OK” to kick her in the ta-tas? Can you bite? You’d better believe that I’d be tasting her coppery lifeblood, letmetellyou.
Just a pleasant few thoughts for your Friday afternoon.
Until Monday, I remain,
Domonic
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