1) I hear that posting prevents you from contracting venereal diseases. How?, you ask in awe. Well, if you are posting to my 'blog, you can't possibly be doing the things that one needs to do to contract said plague unless you've been reading the Kama Sutra too much.
2) Posting makes you lose weight. By moving your fingers, you burn calories, and tons of them. Watch out: you'll be one of those calendar-model-people in days. I myself now have a six-pack and rippling objects in my body, all of which end in -ceps.
3) Posting makes you more attractive. Feeling blue about that boil that has erupted, Mt. Vesuvius-like on your face? Posting will make that seem irrelevant, as the whole world, THE WHOLE WORLD, will know how clever and caring and delightful you are. You'll get marriage proposals from perfect strangers, who are as attractive, if not more, than you. After all, they don't have that boil.
4) Posting is good karma. Want to not have to worry about being reborn as a liver fluke in the next life? Post to my 'blog. So you beat the elderly with sticks and extinguish cigarettes on puppies, but if you post, you'll be A-OK in the next world!
5) The Baby Jesus wants you to. He told me so.
6) Posting will stop global suffering. Really.
7) Domonic will feel loved. Do you really want me to weep enveloped in a small pile of tissues on my cold, cold bed?
Sigh.
Dom
2 comments:
Well I thought I would respond because "you know you gots to do what Baby Jesus wants!” Just look at the election that represents the ongoing fight of Good vs. Evil.
Dom can you keep up us posted with your plight of searching for the Best Chinese restaurant in Bloomington. I am a friend of Nori's and wonder what is beyond the realm of Great Taste or the Dragon.
As for the rest what is up with hating “Monkeys” man. What you need to do is live with an old world Lemur for a year before you make any kind of value judgment like that!!!
Bias
Hello, poster.
I don't reserve the hatred I have for "monkey" for lemurs and other of the quote unquote "small" simians. Let me be more specific: lemurs and marmosets are OK, but gorillas, orangutans, mandrills, baboons, gibbons, and chimps are loathsome. I don't want them dead; after all, they are better actors than half of Hollywood at this point.
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